While he teaches at the college level, my brother-n-law who is a Chemistry professor, loves to share experiments with kiddos of all ages. So during their visit this summer, he gathered all the kids around kitchen stove. Their scientific endeavor ended with a loud bang. My boys cheered with enthusiasm, while my 5 year old nephew backed away in fear begging his dad to stop. Bending down to eye level with his son, he asked him, "Do you trust me?" It was a question I heard throughout their visit. Each time their children experienced something new & frightening, they would ask, "Do you trust me?" Most times the answer was yes, leading to a wonderful new experience.
I have over the last six months felt the Lord asking me this same exact question.
Standing before a congregation of people I didn't know with my newborn nestled in my arms was nerve wracking. But overwhelming that feeling was an intense sense of joy and pride. Standing side by side, my husband and I were about to dedicate our son whom we had prayed long and hard for. Our hearts were filled with hope for the future & all the things this little boy was going to accomplish. It's easy to trust the Lord when they fit snugly in your arms. Faith happens when they are standing nose to nose with you & you have to let go.
Fast forward 14 years and that babe has been joined by two brothers, grown five feet and successfully finished elementary & middle school. With the foundation we wanted to lay for our boys, combined with all of our moves around the country, homeschooling was the best choice for our family. It wasn't always easy & to be honest I wasn't one of those "gung-ho, oh my gosh I love homeschooling, moms". But we learned to thrive and I truly treasure the gift of time with my boys.
Over the last year, Matt & I have felt the Lord releasing us from homeschooling. We have always felt strongly that we were raising men to go out and live boldly for the Lord. We want to be able to walk next to them as they navigate this season of growth. It can be a delicate balance when trying to teach them how to live in the world but not be of it. Sometimes it feels like the world is going to come crashing in and demolish all that we have worked so hard to build in these boys. As we placed one kiddo in the local public school to finish the school year and registered the other two for the next year, I began having panic attacks and fear haunted my every decision. "What if I loose them, Lord?" "What if they choose to walk away from you?"
"Do you trust Me?"
I wrestled to answer this question and overcome my fears. I found that before I could trust God I had to decide who God was & who I was in light of my belief. To truly trust the Lord, I had to believe in His Sovereignty.
Sovereignty (n.) - the quality or state of having supreme power or authority.
I have to wrap my heart around the truth that God is all knowing, all loving and in control. He is not limited or contained by the things of this world. He created and oversees it all. If I believe this, then I have to let go.
Let go of the belief that the kind of men my sons become is solely depended on me.
Let go of the pride that causes me to be concerned with how people may view me.
Let go of the fear that they will make mistakes or choose something other God.
Because here's the deal...while I have the responsibility to sharpen them and point them in the right direction, ultimately they will answer for themselves. They probably will fail. They will wrestle with their faith. They might even walk away from their beliefs. It's between them & their God.
Their God loves them. He died for them. He has good plans for them. He will not leave them or forsake them. These are truth. These truths point to the sovereignty of God. And because I believe them with all my heart, I can answer with a resounding
"Yes! I trust You."
Your situation may be different. But the question remains the same. Will you trust God? Will you believe in His sovereignty?
In your finances?
In your marriage?
At your job?
For your future?
The steps of a man are established by the Lord,
and He delights in his way.
When he falls, he will not be hurled headlong,
because the Lord is the one who holds his hand.
For this reason I also suffer these things, but I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day.
- 2 Timothy 1:12